Bollocks in Gordon

free beerThank god that’s the hustings over. The process nearly did my head in though and that’s a factoid.
Decisions about the future, who to trust and who not to trust are always hard.
Even the voting was stressful. As I entered the polling centre, the young official by the door stared pointedly at my crotch. There are no mirrors or indeed privacy in Inverurie Town Hall so I had to assume that either my zip was undone or she had an unhealthy interest in older men.
I voted anyway and later discovered that I was fully zipped up. I now realise that she was a Lib/Con/Ukip plant.
Gordon District candidate Ms Emily Santos is still nowhere to be seen or heard of although her boss has upset many party goers by deciding to return to politics despite his assurance that he was stepping down. I guess he meant stepping down for a few hours and why not indeed.
He must need a wee rest after all that smiling and proclaiming about keeping Johnny Foreigner out of our mainly Caucasian right wing land of the free. Hitler, if he was dee’n well would no doubt approve. God help the 1,606 folk in Gordon who voted UKIP. We know who you are.
At least we now have a majority in Scotland is all I can say. With Ms Sturgeon at the helm even Cammy will have to bend over to accommodate the Scottish appendage.
Personally I would never shag a politician but there is always a first time.
I am reminded of the joke about the French Embassy railings. Seemingly, in the first blossoming of their disastrous affair, David Cameron and Nick Clegg along with their respective wives attended a diplomatic party in the Paris Embassy.
During an interval in the proceedings, Nick and his wife went out to the garden to have a fag. Mirriam seemingly spotted a small badger beyond the railings and in an attempt to photograph it got her head stuck in the railings. When David spotted this opportunity he immediately dropped his trousers and took full advantage of the situation.

When he had finished, he turned to Nick and said “It’s your turn now.”
Clegg seemingly replied “I’m not sure if my head will fit in there.”

About Grumpy Jack

Writer and photographer
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